"...and the world spins madly on..."

“How you act is who you are.
If the world is to change, you cannot leave it to somebody else.
You simply cannot pray that things will get better.
We cannot merely pray to God to end war,
For God made us able to find the path to peace.
We cannot merely pray to God to end starvation,
For God gave us the resources to feed the world.
We cannot merely pray to God to end despair,
For we have the power to give hope.
We cannot merely pray to God to end disease,
For we have the minds to find cures.
Therefore we pray for strength to do instead of merely be.”

~ Fr. Bill Beauchamp

Lately I feel like my life is changing…or perhaps I am changing…hopefully for the better. I am just finishing up my second semester of grad school and the two classes this term have really opened my perspective to the world and I have not felt the same since. I feel as if, as the Jesuit Volunteers say, “ruined for life” (in a good way). I can never go back to seeing and living in the world in the same way anymore. Both courses were very social justice oriented and left me with a sense of commissioning and a call to help others and work for a better world. I don’t know how that fits into my life yet. I obviously can’t change the world on my own. All I can do is offer my gifts to the world and live life as fully as I can.

“We do not have to be saviors of the world! We are simply human beings, enfolded in weakness and in hope, called together to change our world one heart at a time.” ~ Jean Vanier

I don’t know what my future holds. I used to think that I did. I used to think that I had everything planned out down to the last detail of how my life should be and how it would play out. All my life I’ve lived that way, following my plan with adamant energy and pursuit. But now it all seems so silly. Who says that I have to live life by a carefully drawn out plan? I don’t mean that we should all be irresponsible and not plan for the future. What I’m really trying to say is that everyone’s life is different and the timing for one person may not be the right timing for another.

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~ Joseph Campbell

I feel a little lost and I don’t know what I should be, or rather, who I should be. All I know is that I want to love others, to inspire others and to help others realize and grow in the gifts they’ve been given. I want to show Christ's love to the world.

“Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God's kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile.” ~ Mother Teresa

I feel like life moves so quickly. If we spend all our time trying to plan our future, we loose sight of our lives today, right now, in the present. I’m really just preaching to myself, as sometimes I forget about living today because my mind is always days ahead. It’s been a crazy year with a full time ministry job and trying to survive grad school at the same time. I guess along the way I forgot to simply enjoy and live my life as it is…whatever it is…

“…and the world spins madly on…” ~ The Weepies

And after all my realizations and revelations I still haven’t figured out my life (does anyone really?). I have a few ideas on where I’m headed and I guess I just have to see how that plays out.

Yours truly,
A girl who dreams

Yes, the Rumors are True...

Meet my new love of my life...my new Martin guitar!



I can't stop playing and writing songs!!! Here is one of them that I'm working on. Let me know what you think. And sorry if my voice if a little hoarse, I've been singing all day!

yours truly,

a girl who dreams

Music for the Soul

I truly feel that music has the power to move the soul in amazing and mysterious ways. I also think it's so cool how it can heal and uplift people. As a musician I feel a particular attachment and love for the beauty of music. The melodies, rhythms and lyrics speak to me in such a powerful way that nothing else seems to be able to do. I can always tell what kind of mood I’m in by the music that I listen to in any given day. Sometimes I need music that will uplift my mood, make me want to dance, or simply to express my emotions. And sometimes I listen to music just to allow me to think, or maybe daydream about far off places and people. Have you ever spent hours lying on your bed listening to good music? No? Maybe? Hmm, maybe that is the introvert in me. But I really do feel that I do my best thinking when I’ve had time to be alone to reflect and drink in the melody of a beautiful song.

Lately I’ve been in a very reflective mood. Maybe because I’ve had a lot of crazy things going on in my life and I haven’t taken the proper time to process it all. Whatever it is, my mind has been on overload. Sometimes when I do too much thinking it can drive me crazy. Luckily, this time I found a way to channel it all into song. I haven’t been good at writing very many songs in the past year but the other day I wrote four songs. FOUR songs! Craziness. Anyways, that was really exciting for me, and in the process I was able to sort some things out that were giving me some anguish. I hope to finish up these songs and record them soon. Then I can share them with you all. In the meantime, I want to share a song that I love. It's by Jason Reeves and Colbie Caillat. I may have posted this before but oh well, you can just hear it again. What song feeds your soul?

yours truly,

a girl who dreams

25

So I’m sitting here in Starbucks trying to figure out my life (haha good luck with that) and I decided to write down my life goals. Then I remembered an earlier blog entry I wrote called “The List.” I made it about a year and a half ago about the goals, silly and serious, that I wanted to achieve one day. So I pulled it up to see if they matched my current goals and whether I had done any of them yet. I’m proud to say that yes, I did learn to surf in Hawaii. But that was about the extent of my goal achieving triumphs. Most of the others remain yet to be touched. Not that that’s necessarily a bad thing. Some of my goals I know will take many years before they take shape.

As I grow older my priorities and goals seem to be shifting, sometimes so subtly that even I don’t notice at first. But notice I have, and that leads me to do some serious reflecting and soul searching to figure what direction my life is heading. Who knew that turning 25 could lead to such a dramatic quarter-life crisis (Does that even exist?). I think our modern society plays a part in this dilemma I find myself wading through. My generation is experiencing something that our parents never did. In our parent’s generation, people graduated from high school and possibly college, then got a job and settled down in their twenties. What twenty-something today really knows what they want to do with their lives? College, peacecorps, studying abroad are all ways of prolonging the time when a young adult must enter the real world and get a job and a meaningful career. The problem is that most of us can’t figure out what that life-fulfilling career should be. What will make us happy, yet still pay the bills? And by bills I mean the tremendous student debt that accumulates during those years of living in utter bliss of what lay beyond school and a life of no responsibility.

But I digress.

I really wanted to share my current life goals and where my life seems to be heading. I heard somewhere that writing down a goal increases the chances of actually achieving that goal. Let’s hope that will be the case here. Don’t laugh. Some are indeed whimsical and romantic. But a girl can dream right? Here they are in no particular order:

1. Travel, travel, travel!!! With so many friends traveling abroad to study, work, and live, I can’t help but be jealous. I think traveling to other countries is so enriching and changes your worldview and perspective on life. It’s also good for the soul to experience new adventures and meet new people.
--Backpack across Europe. If I had the time and money, I’d do this in an instant! There’s so many places in Europe that I’d love to visit!
--Travel to China – if Kristen ends up taking the job as a teacher in Beijing, I want to go visit her and visit the Great Wall of China. How awesome would that be?
--Visit the Philippines – I’m half Filipino and this was also where my Dad was born. I feel the desire to see the country and experience the culture there.
--Go to World Youth Day 2011 in Madrid, Spain – how cool would that be to be amongst thousands of Catholics from around the world? It would be a simply amazing and powerful faith experience.
--Travel in South America – then I could work on my Spanish while having amazing adventures.
--There are so many places that I’d love to travel to but I think I’ll stop here or I’ll be at this all night. Donations to the Deborah Travel Fund will gladly be accepted. ; )

2. Work on my music and ministry career – I love youth ministry and speaking and music and somehow it would be nice to use a combination of all those in a ministry job that paid well…hmm is that possible?

3. Work on music technology/recording skills – recording and mixing music is one of my passions, but I have not delved much into it…yet

4. Become a coffee shop singer-songwriter. And then record a CD.

5. Meet someone who makes me laugh, encourages my heart to be joyful, inspires me to live out my faith everyday and challenges me to grow into a better person. (I don’t know when I’ll meet this mystery guy but I do know that the wait will be worth it for not settling for less than what I deserve.)

6. Have a family - I love families and I hope to have my own one day... See #5

7. Inspire people to live their lives to the fullest by doing so myself.


Lastly, here are some cool quotes I thought I’d share with you:

Consult not your fears but your hopes and your dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what it is still possible for you to do. --Pope John XXIII

Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. --Howard Thurman

A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song. --Maya Angelou

I haven't got it all figured out but at least I'm singing my song. Well that's all for now. If you actually made it this far, thanks for reading this. Goodnight!

yours truly,
a girl who dreams

Show at Moxie's

Last night my band played a show at Moxie's in downtown Vancouver. This was our very first show (well...where we played more than 3 songs) so it was quite exciting for all of us. We ended up playing for about an hour and a half which is a big accomplishment considering our short repertoire of songs two weeks ago. My friend Amanda took a few video clips so here are two of them. The first is from a song called, "Essence of the Beach" which is an original song I wrote a few months ago. The other song is from a cover of "All or Nothing" by O-Town. Hopefully we'll get some full recordings of our songs at our next performance.





PS - We still don't have a name for our band so if you think of some cool creative names let me know!

Grad school here I come

It's a Saturday morning and I've spent it applying for grad school and studying for the GRE. My brain hurts already. I hope I know what I'm getting myself into next year. Lol. For those of you who don't know, I'm applying for a masters in Pastoral Ministry at a joint program with University of Portland and Gonzaga University. I start this fall and the program lasts for 3 years. Even though I know it will be a lot of work I am getting really excited for it. I love being a student and learning new things. Plus two of my friends who are also youth ministers will be taking the program in the fall as well. So at least I will have friends in my classes.

Inspirations

I love Colbie Caillat. Her voice is so relaxed and beautiful. Everytime she sings it makes me think of a relaxing day, sitting on the beach and playing guitar. She inspires me and I hope one day to be like her.